Priority Marriage asessment

PRIORITY MARRIAGE ASSESSMENT One of the most important skills to learn in order to succeed in your marriage is to "put love first." In other words, to have a good marriage, your spouse and your relationship has to be the absolute highest priority in your life--bar none. Answer the questions below "true" or "false" and see how you're doing. Compare your score with the assessment scale below. True False 1. When my spouse phones, I almost always make time to talk. 2. If I'm with my spouse and someone else phones, I usually don't take the call. 3. I speak to my spouse about non-logistical matters at least twice per day. 4. When something significant happens in my life, I almost always share it with my spouse first. 5. I initiate positive loving physical contact with my spouse at least twice each day. 6. When we go to a social function, I almost always spend at least half my time talking with my spouse. 7. When my spouse walks into the house, I almost always interrupt whatever I am doing to greet my spouse. 8. When I walk into the house, the first thing I usually do is greet my spouse. 9. I spend more time interacting with my spouse than I do watching TV. 10. I spend more time interacting with my spouse than anyone else in my life. 11. I usually interrupt whatever I am doing if my spouse wants my attention. 12. When I need someone to talk to, I almost always talk to my spouse. 13. I almost always recognize in a significant way my spouse's birthday, our anniversary, and other special days. 14. My spouse and I go out alone together at least once per week. 15. My spouse and I go on vacation alone together at least once per year. 16. I have photographs of my spouse in my office, wallet, or gym locker. 17. I have at least one personal and meaningful discussion with my spouse per week for a minimum of twenty-five minutes. 18. I do unnecessary thoughtful things for my spouse regularly. ASSESSMENT SCALE 1-9: OUT OF SHAPE. You're priorities are out of whack.  10-14: AVERAGE. This won't do if you're trying to revamp your marriage.  15-18: MARRIAGE FITNESS CHAMPION. You seem to have your priorities straight.     Dr.Anil Gangotia

Marriage – Respect and Boundaries in Marriage

Marriage – Respect and Boundaries in Marriage Many people think that boundaries are like a "keep out" fence that distance you from your spouse. In fact, appropriate boundaries bring you closer in Marriage. Respect is one of the foundational aspects of a close and healthy marriage. We all want and deserve respect. Below is a list of boundaries and ways to show your spouse respect. Employing these suggestions will have a very positive effect on your marriage. Secrets are appropriate for birthdays and Christmas! Otherwise secrets are very damaging to a marriage. Secrets and lies are cousins. Secrets are unexpressed lies and have no place in a close relationship. Secrets often are about money and relationships. We do not have to share things from our past that we have repented of and that do not affect your relationship today. Keep your mate's flaws private. Do not discuss your spouse's flaws with your family or friends. This is very disrespectful to your mate. The first person you should talk to is your spouse. Sit down and have an honest discussion about the problem. If your mate's flaws become damaging to your relationship, seek out the help of your Pastor or a Counselor. On a similar note, keep your marriage problems private. Seek help from your Pastor or seek Marriage Counseling. Sometimes even reading a good book on the subject may help; especially if the two of you read it together. Sharing your problems with family or friends tends to polarize the situation. Rarely, even if we are sure about it, is the person we go to objective. After all, they are our friend or family member and they care about us so much that they may not be objective. It is important to create appropriate division of household chores and parenting responsibilities. In the current day and age often there are two wage earners in the home. When Mom stays at home with the kids, she can be just as, if not more exhausted than Dad. In a Marriage, there is no place for close "personal "friends of the opposite sex. This can create significant problems in a relationship. Affairs often develop out of situations where a person goes to their friend because "they are not being understood" at home. When the "friend" steps in and fills that role it is fertile ground for an affair to develop. You may say that you are not that kind of person to let that happen. As Marriage Counselors, we hear those very words from many couples who come to us to try to heal from adultery. Be wise and make your spouse your only close friend of the opposite sex. One of the biggest complaints people make when they come in for marriage counseling is that they do not feel like they are number one with their spouse. This is true for men and women. It could be friends, work, hobbies, extended family, children or many other things. The best marriages always have husband and wife putting their spouse first (after God). Marriages thrive on closeness. Find ways to return to the closeness you once had. Look for ways to reduce boundaries between you and your spouse, leaving only healthy boundaries, and create healthy boundaries between your relationship and the outside world that protects your marriage.   Dr.Anil Gangotia

Theres No Second Chance in Life

Theres No Second Chance in Life TO THOSE OF US WHO ARE ALREADY THERE  AND TO THOSE WHO WILL SOON BE THERE The Secrets of Old Age Before middle age – Do not fear!  After middle age – Do not regret!  Enjoy Your Life While You Can!  Do not wait til you cannot even walk just to be sorry and to regret.  As long as it is physically possible, visit places you wish to visit. old colleagues & old friends Money kept in the banks may not be really yours.  When it is time to spend, just spend, & treat yourself well as you're getting old.  Whatever you feel like eating, just eat!  It is most important to be happy.          Treat sickness with optimism.  Whether you are poor or rich, Everyone has to go through the birth, aging, sickness and death.                      There is no exception, that's life. Do not be afraid or worried when you are sick.  Settle all the outstanding issues before hand      and you will be able to leave without regret.      Let the doctors handle your body,      God handles your life & loves you,        but be in charge of your own moods      If worries can cure your sickness, then go ahead and worry.      If worries can prolong your life, then go ahead and worry.      If worries can exchange for happiness, then go ahead and worry.        Our kids will make their own fortune. Look After Four Old Treasures      1. Your old body – pay more attention to health,      you can only rely on yourself on this. 2. Retirement funds – money that you have earned,      it is best to keep them yourself.      3. Your old companion – treasure every moment with your other half,   one of you will leave first.  PERFECT LOVE  4. Your old friends – seize every opportunities to meet up with your friends.  Such opportunities will become rare as time goes by.   WITH FRIENDS, EVERYDAY YOU MUST LAUGH, DANCE & BE HAPPY !!!       Running water does not flow back.   So is life, make it happy!                      ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON ?

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON ? During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, " How do I know if I married the right person ?"  I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, " It Depends. Is that your husband?"  In all seriousness, she answered " How do you know?"  Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's Weighing on your mind.  Here's the answer.  EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with Your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked Their idiosyncrasies.  Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a Completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, " I was swept of my feet." Think about the Imagery of that ex-pression. It implies that you were just standing There; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TOYOU.  Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.  But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the Natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls Become a bother ( if they come at all), touch is not always welcome ( when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.  The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you Think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.  At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, " Did I marry The right person?" And asyou and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of The love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.  This is when marriages break down. People blame their spouse for their Unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.  Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is The most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.  But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.  I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You Could.  And TEMPORARILY you'dfeel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):  THE KEY TO SUCCEEDINGIN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSONYOU FOUND.  SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't" find " LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the _ex-pression " the labor of love."  Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it Takes WISDOM. You have to know WHATTO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific Things you can do ( with or without your spouse ) to succeed with your marriage.  Just as there are physical laws of the universe ( such as gravity),  There are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise Program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your Relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. .. You can " make " love.  Love in marriage isindeed a " decision"... Not just a feeling.

Did I marry the right person?

The question, "Did I marry the right person?" is often asked when one or both of the spouses no longer feels the romance in the marriage and when doing things for their partner becomes more of a chore rather than a pleasurable act of love. Once married, that question is of no importance. You will just waste your time, energy and perhaps precious tears in trying to figure out whether you're truly meant to be. It is good to look at the happy couples who seem always in sync as role models, but never think that just because your husband or your wife is not like the 'ideal couple' that you have in mind means he is not the right person for you. So many relationships have been broken because of the unending search for a "perfect spouse". When the ideals that you have in mind have not been met, you tend to ask yourself whether you're truly meant to be. When the "romantic feeling" starts to fade and you're no longer being swept off your feet, you begin to wonder whether the feeling is gone. Make no mistake about it. Love is not a feeling. It is, rather, the willingness to extend oneself for the spiritual growth of one or the other. Love is a decision and should not be mistaken as a feeling which is fleeting. The key to succeed in marriage is not finding the right person. It is learning to love the person you found. Don't expect your man to be a perfect partner as you are not perfect, but if you will just try to shift your focus, being perfect for each other is not impossible. Instead of wondering whether you married the right guy, why not contemplate on this: How could we be perfect for each other?